Funny Greeting Cards - Classic Quotes With Funny Photos

Check out are these very funny quote cards - great quotes with hilarious pictures - perfect for birthday, or any occasion - from Borealis Press and QuoteArts.com. Great combinations of funny quotations and entertaining pictures. We dare you to try not to laugh.

Fashion Taste - Card
"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch."
$2.95
Fashion Taste - Card bp354
Act Normal - Card
"Act Normal. That's already crazy enough."
$2.95
Act Normal - Card bp061
If Cats Could Talk - Greeting Card
"If cats could talk, they wouldn't." ~ Nan Porter
$2.95
If Cats Could Talk - Greeting Card bp383
Times Not To Flirt - Card
"There are times not to flirt: When you're sick. When you're with children. When you're on the witness stand."
$2.50
Times Not To Flirt - Card BP5003
Never Have Children  - Card
"Never have children, only grandchildren."
$2.95
Never Have Children - Card BP437
Life Is One Damn Thing  - Card
"It is not true that life is one damn thing after another. It is one damn thing over and over."
$2.50
Life Is One Damn Thing - Card BP456
The Longer She Dates Me - Card
"The longer she dates me, the better she looks."
$2.50
The Longer She Dates Me - Card BP435
What Better Success - Greeting Card
"What better success than to live well, laugh lots, and love much?"
$2.50
What Better Success - Greeting Card BP390
Opportunity May Knock  - Greeting Card
"Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell."
$2.95
Opportunity May Knock - Greeting Card bp392
Do Something Outrageous - Greeting Card
"My goal is to do something outrageous every day." ~ Maggie Kuhn
$2.95
Do Something Outrageous - Greeting Card BP384
There Used To Be A Real Me - Card
"There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed." ~ Peter Sellers
$2.50
There Used To Be A Real Me - Card BP5005
We'd All Like To Vote For The Best Man  - Card
"We'd all like to vote for the best man, but she's never a candidate." ~ Frank McKinney Hubbard
$2.50
We'd All Like To Vote For The Best Man - Card BP5017
The Older I Get - Card
"The older I get, The faster I was." ~ Charles Barkley
$2.50
The Older I Get - Card BP5049
All Men Are Intrinsical Rascals - Card
"All men are intrinsical rascals, and I am only sorry that not being a dog I can't bite them." ~ Lord Byron
$2.50
To Exercise Is Human - Card
"To exercise is human. Not to is divine." ~ Robert Orben
$2.50
To Exercise Is Human - Card BP129
One Cannot Think Well - Card
"One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well." ~ Virginia Woolf
$2.95
One Cannot Think Well - Card BP490
I Love Deadlines - Greeting Card
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." ~ Douglas Adams
$2.95
I Love Deadlines - Greeting Card bp515
Love Is Two Minds Without - Greeting Card
"Love is two minds without a single thought." ~ Philip Barry
$2.50
Love Is Two Minds Without - Greeting Card BP402
Lead Me Not Into Temptation - Card
"Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself." ~ Rita Mae Brown
$2.50
Parents Are The Bones - Card
"Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth." ~ Peter Ustinov
$2.50
My Life To Live Again - Card
"If I had my life to live again, I would make the same mistakes, only sooner." ~ Tallulah Bankhead
$2.95
My Life To Live Again - Card BP425
It Don't Mean A Thing - Greeting Card
"It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing." ~ Duke Ellington
$2.50
It Don't Mean A Thing - Greeting Card BP413
Don’t Tell My Mother - Card
"Don't tell my mother I'm in politics. She thinks I'm playing piano in a brothel." ~ Anonymous
$2.50
Don’t Tell My Mother - Card BP352
Every Plan A - Greeting Card
"Every Plan A needs a Plan B."
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Every Plan A - Greeting Card bp522
A Fool And His Money - Greeting Card
"There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to everybody." ~ Adlai Stevenson
$2.95
A Fool And His Money - Greeting Card BP542
Education Is A Wonderful Thing - Greeting Card
"Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash." ~ Rita Mae Brown
$2.95
Education Is A Wonderful Thing - Greeting Card BP486
Do It Tomorrow - Greeting Card
"Do it tomorrow. We've already made enough mistakes today." ~ Dawn Powell
$2.95
Do It Tomorrow - Greeting Card BP492
Be Yourself - Greeting Card
"Be yourself, everybody else is already taken." ~ Oscar Wilde
$2.95
Be Yourself - Greeting Card bp539
The Best Thing About Needing Help - Greeting Card
"The best thing about needing help is that it's a good way to meet people." ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
$2.95
The Best Thing About Needing Help - Greeting Card BP520
I Think Of You and Roast Beef - Greeting Card
"I think of you. You and roast beef, medium rare."
$2.50
All I Ask Is The Chance - Greeting Card
"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
$2.95
All I Ask Is The Chance - Greeting Card BP491
Maturity Is A Phase - Greeting Card
"Maturity is a phase. Adolescence is forever."
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Maturity Is A Phase - Greeting Card BP495
Women Don't Retire - Greeting Card
"Women don't retire, they just keep on cooking."
$2.95
Women Don't Retire - Greeting Card BP540
Summer Afternoon - Greeting Card
"Summer afternoon...the two most beautiful woeds in the English language." ~ Henry James
$2.50
Summer Afternoon - Greeting Card BP494
There's a Dance - Greeting Card
"There's a dance in the old dames yet." ~ Don Marquis
$2.95
There's a Dance - Greeting Card bp554
One Effective Weapon - Greeting Card
"The human race has only one really effective weapon, and that is laughter." ~ Mark Twain
$2.95
One Effective Weapon - Greeting Card bp513
Life Is One Fool Thing - Greeting Card
"Life is one fool thing after another, whereas love is two fool things after each other." ~ Oscar Wilde
$2.95
Life Is One Fool Thing - Greeting Card bp569
Dance First Think Later - Greeting Card
"Dance first. Think later. It's the natural order." ~ Samuel Beckett
$2.95
Dance First Think Later - Greeting Card bp533
Some Friends Please - Card
"Some friends please, some friends squeeze, some give the heart a tug..."
$2.50
Thought I'd Wake Up Famous - Card
"I thought I'd wake up famous, but I only woke up late.
$2.95
Thought I'd Wake Up Famous - Card bp521
If I Were Two-faced - Card
"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" ~ Abraham Lincoln
$2.95
If I Were Two-faced - Card BP537
If Evolution Really Works - Card
"If evolution really works, how come mother have only two hands?" ~ Milton Berle
$2.95
If Evolution Really Works - Card BP525
Sometimes I Feel Protected - Card
"Sometimes I feel protected, and I don't know why."
$2.95
Sometimes I Feel Protected - Card bp523
Too Much Of A Good Thing - Greeting Card
"Too much of a good thing can be wonderful." ~Mae West
$2.95
Too Much Of A Good Thing - Greeting Card BP412
Develop Your Eccentricities - Greeting Card
"Develop your eccentricities while you're young. That way, when you're old, people won't think you're gaga." ~David Ogilvy
$2.95
Develop Your Eccentricities - Greeting Card BP609
Inside Every Older Lady - Greeting Card
"Inside every older lady is a young woman wondering what the hell happened." ~Unknown
$2.95
Inside Every Older Lady - Greeting Card BP605
Sometimes I Wonder  - Greeting Card
"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." ~ Mark Twain
$2.95
Sometimes I Wonder - Greeting Card BP585
Don't Dwell On Reality - Greeting Card
"Don't dwell on reality. It will only keep you from greatness." ~ Rev. Randall R. McBride, Jr.
$2.95
Don't Dwell On Reality - Greeting Card BP560
Remember Misers - Greeting Card
"Remember MISERS? They could SAVE money!"
$2.95
Remember Misers - Greeting Card BP549
Supply Of Good Women - Greeting Card
"The supply of good women far exceeds that of men who deserve them." ~ Robert Graves
$2.95
Supply Of Good Women - Greeting Card BP597
Progress May Have Been All Right - Greeting Card
"Progress may have been all right once, but it has gone on too long." ~ Ogden Nash
$2.95
Progress May Have Been All Right - Greeting Card BP511
I Used To Be Snow White - Greeting Card
"I used to be Snow White, but then I drifted." ~ Mae West
$2.95
I Used To Be Snow White - Greeting Card BP583
The Greatest Pleasure - Greeting Card
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what other people say you cannot do." ~ Walter Bagehot
$2.95
The Greatest Pleasure - Greeting Card BP581
Plans Get You Into Things - Greeting Card
"Plans get you into things, but you got to work your way out." ~ Will Rogers
$2.95
Plans Get You Into Things - Greeting Card BP580
Two Kinds of Men  - Greeting Card
"I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported" ~ Mae West
$2.95
Two Kinds of Men - Greeting Card BP568
Never Wanted To Be A Millionaire  - Greeting Card
"I never wanted to be a millionaire, just to lve like one." ~ Walter Hagen
$2.95
Never Wanted To Be A Millionaire - Greeting Card BP552
The Only Normal People  - Greeting Card
"The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well." ~ Joe Ancis
$2.95
The Only Normal People - Greeting Card BP584
Some Things Have To Be Believed  - Birthday Card
"Some things have to be believed to be seen." ~ Ralph Hodgson
$2.95
Some Things Have To Be Believed - Birthday Card BP162HB
Yield To Temptation  - Greeting Card
"Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again." ~ Robert Heinlein
$2.95
Yield To Temptation - Greeting Card BP613
People Our Parents Warned Us About  - Greeting Card
"We have become the kind of people our parents warned us about." ~ Augustus John
$2.95
People Our Parents Warned Us About - Greeting Card BP611
Your Friends May Be Nuts  - Greeting Card
"Your friends may be nuts, but they're rooting for you."
$2.95
Your Friends May Be Nuts - Greeting Card BP599
Living Above My Income  - Greeting Card
"I'm living so far above my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." ~ Saki
$2.95
Living Above My Income - Greeting Card BP548
I Don't Want Realistic  - Borealis Press Greeting Card
"I don't want realistic! I want magic!" ~ Tennessee Williams
$2.95
I Don't Want Realistic - Borealis Press Greeting Card BP655
Zest Is the Secret of All Beauty - Borealis Press Greeting Card
"ZEST is the secret of all beauty." ~ Christian Dior
$2.95
Zest Is the Secret of All Beauty - Borealis Press Greeting Card BP664
I Intend To Remain Young Indefinitely - Borealis Press Greeting Card
"I intend to remain young indefinitely." ~ Mary Pickford
$2.95
I Intend To Remain Young Indefinitely - Borealis Press Greeting Card BP665
Women Are Like Tea Bags - Borealis Press Greeting Card
"Women are like tea bags. We don't know our strength until we are in hot water." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
$2.95
Women Are Like Tea Bags - Borealis Press Greeting Card BP671
He Who Sings Scares Away - Borealis Press Greeting Card
"He who sings scares away his woes." ~Miguel de Cervantes
$2.95
He Who Sings Scares Away - Borealis Press Greeting Card BP672
Wise Enough To Never Grow Up - Greeting Card
"I was wise enough to never grow up, while fooling other people into believing that I had." ~ Margaret Mead
$2.95
Wise Enough To Never Grow Up - Greeting Card BP660
There are many, many other funny cards in the Borealis Press collection.
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