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Funny Greeting Cards - Classic Quotes With Funny Photos

Check out are these very funny quote cards - great quotes with hilarious pictures - perfect for birthday, or any occasion - from Borealis Press and QuoteArts.com. Great combinations of funny quotations and entertaining pictures. We dare you to try not to laugh.



Lose Your Mind - Card
"They tell me that you'll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don't tell you is that you won't miss it very much." ~ Malcolm Cowley
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Life Is A Daring Adventure - Card
"Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing."
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Start With A Smile - Card
"Start every day with a smile, and get it over with."
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I Always Wanted To Be Somebody - Funny Greeting Card
"I always wanted to be somebody, but I realize I should have been more specific." Lily Tomlin
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Only Young Once - Card
"You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely."
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Always The Same Age - Card
"We are always the same age inside."
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Ever Stop To Think  - Greeting Card
"Did you ever stop to think, and then forget to start again?"
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You Only Live Once - Greeting Card
"You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough."
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Be Yourself - Greeting Card
"Be yourself, everybody else is already taken." ~ Oscar Wilde
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Opportunity May Knock  - Greeting Card
"Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell."
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Fashion Taste - Card
"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch."
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Act Normal - Card
"Act Normal. That's already crazy enough."
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If Cats Could Talk - Greeting Card
"If cats could talk, they wouldn't." ~ Nan Porter
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Times Not To Flirt - Card
"There are times not to flirt: When you're sick. When you're with children. When you're on the witness stand."
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Never Have Children  - Card
"Never have children, only grandchildren."
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The Longer She Dates Me - Card
"The longer she dates me, the better she looks."
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What Better Success - Greeting Card
"What better success than to live well, laugh lots, and love much?"
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Opportunity May Knock  - Greeting Card
"Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell."
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Do Something Outrageous - Greeting Card
"My goal is to do something outrageous every day." ~ Maggie Kuhn
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There Used To Be A Real Me - Card
"There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed." ~ Peter Sellers
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The Older I Get - Card
"The older I get, The faster I was." ~ Charles Barkley
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One Cannot Think Well - Card
"One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well." ~ Virginia Woolf
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I Love Deadlines - Greeting Card
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." ~ Douglas Adams
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Love Is Two Minds Without - Greeting Card
"Love is two minds without a single thought." ~ Philip Barry
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My Life To Live Again - Card
"If I had my life to live again, I would make the same mistakes, only sooner." ~ Tallulah Bankhead
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It Don't Mean A Thing - Greeting Card
"It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing." ~ Duke Ellington
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Every Plan A - Greeting Card
"Every Plan A needs a Plan B."
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A Fool And His Money - Greeting Card
"There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to everybody." ~ Adlai Stevenson
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Education Is A Wonderful Thing - Greeting Card
"Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash." ~ Rita Mae Brown
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Do It Tomorrow - Greeting Card
"Do it tomorrow. We've already made enough mistakes today." ~ Dawn Powell
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The Best Thing About Needing Help - Greeting Card
"The best thing about needing help is that it's a good way to meet people." ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
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All I Ask Is The Chance - Greeting Card
"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
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Maturity Is A Phase - Greeting Card
"Maturity is a phase. Adolescence is forever."
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Women Don't Retire - Greeting Card
"Women don't retire, they just keep on cooking."
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There's a Dance - Greeting Card
"There's a dance in the old dames yet." ~ Don Marquis
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One Effective Weapon - Greeting Card
"The human race has only one really effective weapon, and that is laughter." ~ Mark Twain
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Life Is One Fool Thing - Greeting Card
"Life is one fool thing after another, whereas love is two fool things after each other." ~ Oscar Wilde
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Dance First Think Later - Greeting Card
"Dance first. Think later. It's the natural order." ~ Samuel Beckett
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Thought I'd Wake Up Famous - Card
"I thought I'd wake up famous, but I only woke up late.
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If I Were Two-faced - Card
"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" ~ Abraham Lincoln
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If Evolution Really Works - Card
"If evolution really works, how come mother have only two hands?" ~ Milton Berle
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Sometimes I Feel Protected - Card
"Sometimes I feel protected, and I don't know why."
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Too Much Of A Good Thing - Greeting Card
"Too much of a good thing can be wonderful." ~Mae West
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Inside Every Older Lady - Greeting Card
"Inside every older lady is a young woman wondering what the hell happened." ~Unknown
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Sometimes I Wonder  - Greeting Card
"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." ~ Mark Twain
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Don't Dwell On Reality - Greeting Card
"Don't dwell on reality. It will only keep you from greatness." ~ Rev. Randall R. McBride, Jr.
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Remember Misers - Greeting Card
"Remember MISERS? They could SAVE money!"
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Supply Of Good Women - Greeting Card
"The supply of good women far exceeds that of men who deserve them." ~ Robert Graves
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Progress May Have Been All Right - Greeting Card
"Progress may have been all right once, but it has gone on too long." ~ Ogden Nash
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I Used To Be Snow White - Greeting Card
"I used to be Snow White, but then I drifted." ~ Mae West
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The Greatest Pleasure - Greeting Card
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what other people say you cannot do." ~ Walter Bagehot
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Plans Get You Into Things - Greeting Card
"Plans get you into things, but you got to work your way out." ~ Will Rogers
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Two Kinds of Men  - Greeting Card
"I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported" ~ Mae West
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Never Wanted To Be A Millionaire  - Greeting Card
"I never wanted to be a millionaire, just to lve like one." ~ Walter Hagen
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Some Things Have To Be Believed  - Birthday Card
"Some things have to be believed to be seen." ~ Ralph Hodgson
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Yield To Temptation  - Greeting Card
"Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again." ~ Robert Heinlein
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People Our Parents Warned Us About  - Greeting Card
"We have become the kind of people our parents warned us about." ~ Augustus John
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Your Friends May Be Nuts  - Greeting Card
"Your friends may be nuts, but they're rooting for you."
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Living Above My Income  - Greeting Card
"I'm living so far above my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." ~ Saki
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I Don't Want Realistic  - Borealis Press Greeting Card
"I don't want realistic! I want magic!" ~ Tennessee Williams
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Zest Is the Secret of All Beauty - Borealis Press Greeting Card
"ZEST is the secret of all beauty." ~ Christian Dior
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I Intend To Remain Young Indefinitely - Borealis Press Greeting Card
"I intend to remain young indefinitely." ~ Mary Pickford
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Women Are Like Tea Bags - Borealis Press Greeting Card
"Women are like tea bags. We don't know our strength until we are in hot water." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
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He Who Sings Scares Away - Borealis Press Greeting Card
"He who sings scares away his woes." ~Miguel de Cervantes
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Wise Enough To Never Grow Up - Greeting Card
"I was wise enough to never grow up, while fooling other people into believing that I had." ~ Margaret Mead
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"There is only one thing wrong with the younger generation: some of us don't belong to it anymore." ~Bernard Baruch
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"It's nice knowing someone like you. Someone to lean on, someone to count on, someone to tell on." ~ Unknown
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"Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men." ~ Frank McKinney Hubbard
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"Man smart. Woman smarter." ~ Norman Span
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"Every day I look through the list of the richest people. If I'm not there, I get up and go to work." ~ Robert Orben
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Only One Thing Wrong With The Younger Generation - Borealis Press Greeting Card
"There is only one thing wrong with the younger generation: some of us don't belong to it anymore." ~Bernard Baruch
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Nice Knowing Someone Like You - Borealis Press Greeting Card
"It's nice knowing someone like you. Someone to lean on, someone to count on, someone to tell on." ~ Unknown
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Boys Will Be Boys - Borealis Press Greeting Card
"Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men." ~ Frank McKinney Hubbard
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Man Smart, Woman Smarter - Borealis Press Greeting Card
"Man smart. Woman smarter." ~ Norman Span
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Every Day I Look At The Richest People - Borealis Press Greeting Card
"Every day I look through the list of the richest people. If I'm not there, I get up and go to work." ~ Robert Orben
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It Ain't What They Call You - Funny Greeting Card
"It ain't what they call you. It's what you answer to." ~ W.C. Fields
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The Secret of Staying Young - Funny Greeting Card
"An inordinate passion for pleasure is the secret for staying young." ~ Oscar Wilde
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Keeping Track of What I Say - Funny Greeting Card
"Keeping track of what I say just confuses me." ~ Montague Baldwin
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The Last Refuge of Mediocrity - Funny Greeting Card
"Good behavior is the last refuge of mediocrity." ~ Henry S. Haskins
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Man Was Made At The End Of The Week - Funny Greeting Card
"Man was made at the end of the week when God was tired." ~ Mark Twain
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When You're Middle-Aged - Funny Greeting Card
"When you're middle-aged, the mischief is mainly in your head." ~ David Williams
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A Happy Childhood Is The Worst Preparation - Funny Greeting Card
"A happy childhood is the worst preparation for life." ~ Kinky Friedman
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Girls Just Want To Have Fun - Funny Greeting Card
"Girls just want to have fun." ~ Robert Rimato (Robert Hazard)
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Any Idiot Can Face A Crisis - Funny Greeting Card
"Any idiot can face a crisis. It's day-to-day living that wears you out." ~ Anton Chekhov
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If A Dog's Prayers Were Answered - Funny Greeting Card
"If a dog's prayers were answered, bones would fall from the sky." ~ Old proverb
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If They Can Send One Man To The Moon - Funny Greeting Card
"If they can send one man to the moon, why can't they send them all?" ~ Unknown
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My Career Was Sputtering - Funny Greeting Card
"My career was sputtering until I did a 360 and got headed in the right direction." ~ Tracy McGrady
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Anyone Can Be Cool - Quotable Card
"Anyone can be cool, but awesome takes practice." ~ Lorraine Peterson
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A Girl Knows Her Limits - Funny Greeting Card
"A girl knows her limits, but a wise girl knows she has none." ~ Norma Jean Mortenson (Marilyn Monroe)
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I've Been On A Diet - Funny Greeting Card
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks." ~ Totie Fields
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The Threat of A Woman - Funny Card
"It is rare to see, in a little boy, the promise of a man, but in a little girl one can almost always see the threat of a woman." ~ Alexandre Dumas
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An Overdose of Satisfaction - Funny Greeting Card
"There are some days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of satisfaction." ~ Salvador Dalí
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When A Dog Is Not Preferable To A Man - Funny Greeting Card
"There are times when a dog is not preferable to a man." ~ Mark Montague
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Cock Your Hat - Funny Greeting Card
"Cock your hat. Angles are attitude." ~ Frank Sinatra
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Laugh And The World Laughs With You - Funny Greeting Card
"Laugh, and the world laughs with you." ~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox
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Happiness Does Not Notice The Passing Of Time - Funny Greeting Card
"Happiness does not notice the passing of time." ~ Chinese proverb
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To Live Is So Startling - Funny Greeting Card
"To live is so startling that it leaves little time for anything else." ~ Emily Dickinson
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Man Who Says His Wife Can't Take A Joke - Funny Greeting Card
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke forgets that she took him." ~ Oscar Wilde
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There are many, many other funny cards in the Borealis Press collection.
Funny Greeting Cards
Hilarious Greeting Cards
Humorous Greeting Cards
Favorite Humorous Cards
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